the necessity of pain and consequences

On the eve of Luke and my first combined payday in a while, I am GRATEFUL for Luke's birthday (and the cash donations he received on its behalf) and for late wedding gifts that have granted us financial survival until this payday could finally arrive. I really feel like this struggle is making us stronger... like when you're working out muscles, they tear only to be strengthened as they are rebound. Each time they tear, they become stronger and stronger.

If you do not have a public library card, I highly recommend it. How often do you read a book that you want to own? Definitely less than every time you read a book, right? I don't understand why people buy a book if they have wanted to read it. Umm, hey. That's the entire purpose of the library... so you don't have to spend money on something you'll just read once (or twice or however many times you want to check it out because it's free!). I just finished reading The Giver by Lois Lowry on Saturday. Most people my age read it in about 6th grade, but I never did for some reason. I really loved this book and guarantee that I'll read it again (and now I know that at some point I do want to buy it :P). It was a great reminder to me of the important (and often necessary) purpose of pain. Is it really to our benefit to try and eliminate it? Of course we can minimize the amount of pain in our lives by making good choices, but I also know there are some causes of pain that are essential to our personal growth and character. I may decide to never touch a hot stove because my mom told me not to, but I can tell you that I learned the lesson a lot more personally when I burnt myself... and I realized that there are worse things than burning yourself on the stove. While it definitely does hurt, I probably don't need to live in fear of the kitchen stove.

A couple of Sundays ago we were talking about Lehi's vision in 1 Nephi 8 - 12 (in the Book of Mormon) and we were discussing the mists of darkness (which represent temptation). In order to eventually get to the tree of life (which represents eternal life), you must hold fast to the rod of iron (which represents the word of God -- I see it as kind of a guardrail), which is the straight way leading to the tree. It is so easy to forget that in this vision, the rod of iron passes directly through the mists of darkness. You can't just avoid the mists altogether, but you have to pass through them, while still clinging tightly to the iron rod. You have to OVERCOME the temptation by choosing to hold to the better path, rather than trying to take a different route to avoid it altogether. Then you're just fumbling for your own way, thinking it will be easier -- and it very well may be easier, but life is hard for a reason. If it's easy, then it probably won't get you to the place (or allow you to become the person) you ultimately want to be. Anyway, those of you who have read The Giver hopefully understand what I'm talking about, but I really enjoyed the book and recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it.

It's silly to even mention this, but whenever I think of the principle of pain, it reminds me of an episode of Grey's Anatomy I saw in one of the first seasons... there was a little girl who thought she was a superhero because she could feel no pain. She would always tell kids to punch her in the stomach to prove that she was invincible. Just because she couldn't feel the pain doesn't mean that the blows to her stomach weren't causing her body harm. She was internally bleeding because she was allowing herself to be damaged over and over again ... because she didn't even know there was anything wrong. My point if: We may complain about pain, but if we didn't have it as a warning, we would just keep doing things that were harmful to ourselves. Granted, sometimes people ignore the pain and continue to hurt themselves (and I don't just mean physically), but at least we have that warning if we are willing to react to it. Instead of running away from pain, maybe we should be figuring out what is causing it and learn how to solve whatever is causing it. Then we know how to press forward instead of just running away from anything that may challenge us.

That's all, really.

I'm starting to feel better... all day I felt like my ears were getting ready to pop, but they never did. I'm really hoping to feel well enough to go back to work tomorrow. I know they rely on me for a lot and I want to be there to fulfill my duties.

I've decided that life is so interesting because 1. we're supposed to enjoy it, and 2. we're supposed to learn from it. I don't really enjoy boring things and I'm not usually very willing to learn from them either.

Now, that's all.

President Gordon B. Hinckley: Remembered...

President Gordon Bitner Hinckley, the prophet and president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints passed away last night about 8 p.m. CST. Honestly, I thought I would be a lot more devastated when this finally happened, but at 97, I can't think of how his life could've contained more goodness within it. His wife passed away in April of 2004 and all I can feel is the joy that he must feel right now as he can finally be with her again. President Hinckley has been the prophet since 1995, so for pretty much all of my adult life, he is the one I have looked to the most for guidance and direction in my life. He was called to be a messenger to all the world... a mouthpiece to direct us through the words of the Lord.

I know, through the many things that President Hinckley has brought about, that he was truly a prophet of the Lord (by his fruits ye shall know him). Not only that, but the Spirit has testified it to me, every time I have heard him speak. He would speak with humility, good humor, and with great authority because he had confidence in the Lord.

He has accomplished so much for the Lord's kingdom and I am so grateful to have been able to learn so much from such a wonderful man. I know the next prophet, to be named after President Hinckley's funeral, will be just as inspired as President Hinckley, and I look forward to learning from him as he is directed by the Lord.

I always was too slow for this game...

... that's right, I got tagged by Beth , so it's my turn to answer some questions about myself. Then I get to tag several of you who may by the end regret that you frequent my blog (if you don't already regret it, that is).

A. The Rules are posted at the beginning.
B. Each player answers about themselves.
C. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people, posts their names, and goes to their blogs letting them know they've been tagged.


5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago
1. Counting down the months/weeks to when I could attend church dances (at age 14).
2. Playing on the 8th grade girls' basketball team at South Junior High.
3. Playing on a city co-ed soccer league (yes, at the same time as bball)
4. Being REALLY awkward .. and somewhat boyish (this is when the baggy pants began to appear)
5. Listening to Backstreet Boys shamelessly.

5 Things On My To-Do List Today
1. Figure out how to breathe with all this gunk in my nose
2. Get better so I can go to work tomorrow.
3. Start a new book (I just finished The Giver by Lois Lowry yesterday and it was amazing)
4. Take a shower
5. Eat a full meal (a queasy stomach doesn't make this one an easy task)

5 Snacks I Enjoy
1. Reese's Puffs Cereal
2. Minute Maid Limeade and Cherry Limeade push popsicles
3. Oranges
4. Yogurt
5. Sour Cream and Cheddar Baked Ruffles

5 Things I'd Do if I Were a Billionaire
1. Pay off all our debts and those of our family members.
2. Buy a hybrid/energy-efficient car (or 2).
3. Backpack through Europe (especially Italy, Greece, Austria, rural: France, Scotland and England)

4. Donate money to the church welfare programs and go on a married couple mission with Luke for the church

5. Build an energy-efficient house or 2 in locations to be determined.

3 Bad Habits
1. Being grumpy for pretty much no reason.
2. Running late.
3. Not being physically active enough.

5 Jobs I've had
1. Data entry at NCS Pearson (now called Vangent)
2. Sonic Car-Hop
3. www.Infoition.com (I shouldn't specify more, for the sake of protection from competitors of this company)
4. EFY Counselor, Building Counselor, and Field Coordinator
5. Special Ed Paraeducator at LFSHS

5 Things People Probably Don't Know About Me (this was hard for me, since I'm pretty much an open book)
1. I actually enjoy watching Luke play Call of Duty 4 on XBOX 360 Live (I'll be sitting in the same room reading a book and then without even thinking about it, there I am saying, "Oh, he's right there! Watch out!")
2. I enjoy making homemade cards for people's birthdays, weddings, Christmas, etc... so much that I started just making sets of cute cards with my scrapbooking supplies
3. I've had to fire someone before ... and it was not fun.
4. I'll be jobless come June (until August), but will find something temporary until school starts again.
5. Luke plans to make me audition for American Idol this summer ... I think it would be a fun experience (and wouldn't expect anything to come of it -- I personally think it's kind of rigged), but I don't know what songs I would sing.

Okay, I tag: Lori, Laura, Karen, Al, and Gaia

And Happy Birthday LORI!!! Your last one! :)

In other news, Luke and I got to go to the Winter Quarters Temple yesterday and it was a wonderful trip. We rode with Matt and Ali and I didn't get sick until the way home, so I was able to enjoy my time in the temple. It was an extremely needed trip for us, so yay.

In my last post, I mentioned my friends Karen and Adam getting married. They posted their first dance from their wedding reception on YouTube and it's. awesome. I don't know why I was even kind of surprised.


So, Luke started as a para on Friday. I think it'll be really great working together. Both of us are out of the building for hours out of the day and we really only saw each other for about 20 minutes, so I don't think we'll get sick of each other, but we can still carpool to work and all that. It's also really nice to have someone to talk to about everything that happens each day (every day is packed full of the unexpected... i'll just put it that way). I'm really excited about this... and so is our bank account. I'm just glad it worked out. He won't get his first paycheck until the end of January, so things are a little tight for us until then, but I think it's building our character :)


I'm starting to really want a dog. We won't get one any time soon, but I go every morning, Monday through Friday, to the Humane Society animal shelter for over an hour with a couple of students. We've been playing with puppies, teaching them how to play right, and petting bunnies and rats and it's been a lot of fun. To get to the puppies, we walk by all the kennels of the slightly older dogs and I've fallen in love with a few of them (particularly the ones who don't bark, but just stare at us longingly as we walk by). It's a nice change from just being at school all day, but it does also have it's disadvantages (the hint of dog smell in my hair and the fact that the 2 puppies we worked with on friday managed to pee a total of 3 times on the linoleum floor within the hour that we were there).


I let my sister Kelly take scissors to my hair yesterday. I let her cut some bangs and she made it about shoulder length with a slight layer. I'll probably have to go get it done right soon (eventually), but I was just needing a change. I really like the bangs, but Lori kept telling me today that she wished she could see my face. I might post a picture at some point if I decide I'm not too embarrassed to be seen with it.

Life is good. I'm grateful for that.

Oh, and I love Sara Bareilles.

Yay KU! I am so proud of KU's football team in how well they played in the Orange Bowl on Thursday night against VTech. It was an exciting game and a great (free :P) birthday present for Luke.

Saturday marked 3 months that Luke and I have been married. We didn't do much to celebrate because I wasn't really home, but we've already been through so much in just the 3 months. I mentioned in Fast and Testimony Meeting yesterday at church that marriage allows for so many opportunities to be refined. Compromising and forfeiting selfishness... I find myself often submitting my will to that of the Lord and it has truly made my life better. Of course being able to spend every day with my best friend has helped with that, but sometimes we just get under each other's skin. I'm grateful for the principle of forgiveness. I do stupid and insensitive things. So does Luke. But we've made a commitment for eternity and we love each other a lot, so we're willing to get through anything and we're willing to try harder in the first place, so we can prevent those larger issues that could arise.

On Saturday, Karen and Adam's wedding reception was gorgeous. They did mostly black and white with red roses/petals on the tables. It was apparent that everything they did was well-planned, like they had a slideshow and an original song sung by Karen's brother-in-law. I loved how they put a small engagement picture in the center of each page in their guest book. I was able to help them set up and had a lot of fun catching up with Adam and Karen's sisters, who are all hilarious and gorgeous. It's funny how every wedding/reception is so personalized. The highlight of the evening was Adam and Karen's first dance where they did a choreographed routine to OK Go's "Here We Go Again," which is the song famous for its music video -- a choreographed treadmill dance. I ended up making a card and envelope for them and really enjoyed using my creativity for the first time in a while.

Luke is going to be starting this week or next as a paraeducator with me at Free State. I think it will be a great situation... we'll be able to carpool, we'll have the same schedules (at least until he starts school), and we'll both have benefits and decent pay. I'm excited about it. AND we'll both be busy enough that we won't be in each other's hair too much.

I am grateful for friends who remind me of the blessings that come from the temple.

Christmas, New Year's Eve, etc.

Luke has gotten me slightly hooked to Need For Speed: Most Wanted on the XBOX360. He borrowed it from my brother Craig, but also has it for his PS2. I few days ago I started my own profile on there and have had fun racing, winning money, evading cop chases, and souping up my cars. I realize this makes me even more of a huge nerd, but it's fun for every once in a while (lately it's been more than once in a while since I don't go back to work until Thursday).

Christmas was a great and busy day. Luke and I went to family celebrations both on his side and mine. That's the blessing and the headache of having the majority of both of our families here in Lawrence. We started out in the morning at Luke's brother's home to watch our nieces McKenzie and Madison open their presents from Santa. Later that afternoon, we went to the Stock family gathering, where we ate a delicious meal, opened some presents, then played Pictionary for a while (we didn't have the actual game and were just making up the words for the other team... I had to draw Postpartum Depression. Amazingly enough, Marty guessed it!). We had a lot of fun there.

At about 5:45, we went to the Schellman gathering at my parents' house, where they were just finishing up dinner. We did our Dirty Santa gift exchange (like white elephant), then opened regular presents starting with the youngest and moving our way up by age.

With both of our families being vast in number, we're glad that they both draw names for our regular Christmas exchange, so we don't all go completely broke. We had 2 desserts that night and everyone was in a really good mood. I wish I'd taken some pictures, but I didn't even think of it with everyone being so busy.

For New Year's Eve, we had our friends Matt and Ali over. We played games, watched a movie, ate Papa Murphy's and yummy grape jello cake with cool whip, then just took some goofy pictures (to come soon) and called it a night. It was a lot of fun.

Luke's birthday (as well as the Orange Bowl) is on Thursday, so I think some snachos and festivities will be in order.

Happy New Year, everyone!

memories

I'm going to make a compilation of family stories/events. My students are doing an assignment for their final in one class where they wrote out interview questions for a family member and then interviewed, wrote down the answers, and put it into a paragraph. It made me think about how much I don't know about the way my parents grew up or what my children won't know about how I've grown up if I don't take the time to remember and write it down. I'm hoping my family will contribute some of the things that I don't really remember or that happened before I was born that are important or memorable from our own little family's history.

Being part of a new family with Luke has helped me realize how important it is to do things right from the very beginning. By this I mean, if I want my children to grow up in a home that has Family Home Evening, we need to start having it now, making it part of our Monday nights from the very beginning. Last night Luke and I read The Living Christ together and talked about evidences in the world that Christ in fact lives today. We talked about the way people's hearts change during this time when we celebrate His birth, being more willing to sacrifice and to give of their excess to those who are need. We talked about how some people may not realize how Christ has influenced their hearts, but we know that the light of Christ is real and that it is in everyone. It gives people the discerning of bad from good. It motivates people to do good if they will just listen or choose to act on it. We talked about a lot of things and I think it's so important to just take time to remember or we won't let it be part of our everyday thought.

I'm grateful for so many things and know that I owe everything to my Savior, who has allowed a life for me that is so much greater than anything I could have achieved without him.

I'm grateful for challenges and trials that make me stronger and that allow me to grow closer to Luke, as we strive together to work through things and move forward.

I'm grateful for the feeling that I get when I look at Luke and can't help but smile.

unusual challenges

well i'm sure that everyone experiences great challenges in their professions, but how many people do you know who have gotten bit by their students?

we have a student who kind of panics when he feels too uncomfortable. he'll get frustrated about an assignment or about it being too noisy. usually he gives warning and we can calm him down with a social story he reads, but yesterday he skipped the warning steps and went straight to pounding me on the leg. nothing serious happened because i was able to pin him to the ground (with others helping me eventually), but i do have a large bruise on my left arm from him biting me and some bruises on my left leg from him striking my leg and clawing at it to try and get ahold of me.

i feel like now that i've experienced the worst of it (this was the worst it has ever been), i can handle anything. i was really able to defend myself without harming him or allowing him to harm any of the other students in the classroom. i reacted with a clear mind and without too much struggle besides the fact that he is much taller/stronger than me. as soon as my adrenaline wore off, i was a little overwhelmed by the situation. during the whole thing, this student didn't show any vicious or malicious intent. he honestly looked confused and horrified and it broke my heart.

i am fine. don't worry. i can handle a few bruises. when i get home tonight i will post the daily development of the bite bruise on my arm. day 1 wasn't too bad, but it's getting darker and bigger, so we'll see. i also have to get a series of hepatitis shots that the district will pay for (he didn't break the skin because he bit through my shirt, but this is more just as a precaution).

26. i am blessed with clear and quick reactions to crisis situations.
27. i am blessed with a husband who takes care of me, even when he himself is sick.

learning and humility

What am I supposed to learn from this? I need to sleep more. I need to pay closer attention to my health and to my body. I can't do everything. Healing is a slow process and I have to let it happen before jumping into everything again. It's okay to rely on other people. Sometimes I need help and there's no way of getting around it. Also, sometimes you just have to turn on the heater, even if you're trying to save money. Mono, mono, go away and don't come back for another day.

It was really nice saying goodbye to Luke this morning, knowing that he'll be home when I get home. We really have grown in our relationship as he has worked evenings. At church yesterday, my friend Becky said (applying to something completely different), "you can't miss something that never left." I know what it's like having to spend time without Luke and then getting to welcome him home. At least now we can be an old boring married couple and go to bed early. That's all I ever wanted :)

I made muffins out of the Amish Friendship Bread that Kate Outcalt gave me... they looked so perfect when they came out, but booooooo the bottoms were burnt. Our oven is no good and I think it would've worked better with just regular old bread pans. Only some of them were burnt, so I got to have one for breakfast and it was delicious. I'm gonna make it again in about 9 days.

Coming soon: Fall Photo Recap

23. I am blessed with challenges in my life that help me learn and grow.
24. I am blessed with a good sense of humor similar to my husband's.
25. I am blessed with a love for cool weather and hoodies (otherwise I'd be miserable by now).

I love India Arie. I bought her acoustic soul CD used at Half Price Books (less of a selection, but cheaper than hastings for used CDs). I've had it playing while I've been working around the apartment. Luke has to work a few of these Saturdays coming up... but I can't complain that much because he's moving to day shift starting on Tuesday! yay! His schedule will be similar enough to mine that we can ride in one car together at least for December before his classes start.

Our friends Matt and Ali moved back to Lawrence from Idaho and we got to hang out with them last night. We played Phase 10 and a game called Ripple with Skip-Bo cards. We're really glad to have them here!

20. I am blessed with a sister Lori who makes AMAZING caramel corn and was kind enough to share some with me.
21. I am blessed with a sister Kelly who helped me out a TON on Thursday night when I could hardly function and was supposed to take dinner to a friend.
22. I am blessed with a husband who holds the priesthood and was able to give me a blessing Thursday night when my mono symptoms started to come back.