Happy Half Birthday to me!
I know it's not a big deal ...at all... but I kind of enjoy that my half birthday only occurs every 4 years. And Happy Birthday to my sister Gina tomorrow!
When I think about the last 6 months, I can't even believe how much has happened. I feel like I just turned 23, but at the same time, it feels like I've been married forever. Unless I am thinking of specific events from singledom, I have a hard time remembering what it felt like to not have Luke as a constant in my life. I have definitely learned so much in the past 6 months (especially the nearly 5 months of marriage).
I was talking to Luke last night, just kind of being grumpy and complaining (I know, it's shocking) and it kind of just came out of me how difficult this adjustment has been for me. I don't just mean getting married, but I mean the last couple of years where I was wrapping up my college years and trying to find a life for myself. Many of my close friends have moved away or been gone for quite a while and I've just been here watching the ward change around me while I felt like I wasn't really changing much. Well, you know, until I got married. Just thinking about all of that made me realize that this really is the beginning of the rest of my life. I wish I could still be close to my friends the way I used to be, but the truth is, many of them are not all that close anymore. It's hard to admit that people you've known so well as a part of your life really aren't there anymore. That's not because of any fault of theirs or mine, but just the effects of time kicking in. I am so happy for all of you who are doing well, and I WILL NOT ever lose touch with you completely, even if it meant that you had to go far. And I realize that there are some dear friends here in this same town who are not as close as they used to be just because of the ways my life has changed (and theirs as well). I am grateful for life progression and the greater capacity of love and joy it brings to my life, but sometimes it's just hard to let myself realize that it will never be the same again... and that that's a good thing.
I am so grateful for my husband. He is so patient with me (most of you know I can be REALLY grumpy sometimes) even when I don't deserve it. I never knew I had the capacity to feel so much love for another person. People told us the newlywed feeling would kind of wear off after a couple of months, but we're coming on month 5 and I am still just as ridiculously excited to be married to my best friend as the day we were sealed in the temple for Eternity. Life really is good.
3 comments:
I've been having a lot of those same feelings, it really is odd to think that the Life you never thought could change "that much" is totally different. Bah, it's really just wierd to think that something as solid as our friendships used to be could fade as much as it does. But in any case, I'm probably gonna be living in your living room for a few months post college, so it'll be me you and luke, just like old times!
I thought of you on your rare 1/2 birthday!
I think the part I still miss is having really close girlfriends. I have friends here, and they are girls, but it's not the tightness I had with high school friends and college roommates.
For me, marriage is the best happiness I've had, but there are other happinesses that aren't available in the same way as before.
Um, I wonder if I make sense.
another type of growing pains
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