Among the craziness of my life, I haven't taken much time to sit down and reflect.  I'm just over 3 weeks away from my due date to have another little girl and that quickly approaching date has brought on a lot of emotions.

I am choosing to attempt a VBAC this time around (vaginal birth after cesarian) after having an unexpected emergency c-section with Adelle.  I've decided to have an epidural, which I was really torn about.  I really didn't want to have one - I feel like it really slowed down my progress the first time around - but my doctor explained to me that should the VBAC not be successful and I end up having to have another c-section, if I don't already have an epidural in place, I will have to be completely asleep for the surgery and no family (Luke) will be allowed in the room.  If I already have the epidural, I'll be able to be awake and see the baby right away, with Luke by my side, which is how it was with Adelle.  I am praying that the VBAC will be successful, but also know that I need to have an open heart/mind for whatever happens.  The most important thing is the health of my baby and me.

Adelle has been asking a lot lately if she can see her baby sister.  She is so excited to be a big sister and I know she will be a great helper.  We have most of the staple things we need to be ready, but during one of our several moves in the past 3 years, we lost an entire tub of 0-6 month clothes.  I couldn't believe how much meaning/emotion I had attached to a tub of clothing when I realized it was gone.  I am really grateful for Luke's love and support through all of this.  Pregnancy is not my favorite, but I am counting my blessings for how smoothly it has gone and to have such a supportive and loving husband as a companion.

Meanwhile, we are still here in Oklahoma living with my paternal grandmother and helping with her care.  She came home a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving after being in a rehabilitation center (convalescent hospital) for several months.  She was home for about a month, doing very well, but now she has been in the hospital for the past week and 1/2 and is currently in ICU dealing with several things.  She first went into the hospital for a bladder infection that turned into a blood infection.  Since she's been there, she's gotten pneumonia and they found 2 blood clots in her leg.  It's a blessing that we were able to get her there when we did.  She is sleeping a lot, but her awake periods are more alert and lucid.  I know that she wants to overcome this, but it's just a long process when so many things are attacking her body.  It's really hard to see someone doing so well, then all of a sudden take a complete turn in the other direction.  Her health is so fragile, but I know she still has some fight in her.  I've learned so much from her example.  She's strong, opinionated and unconditionally loving.  Even today, talking to her on the phone, with everything she's dealing with, she wanted to know first thing how the baby and I were doing.  I am blessed with so many influences of love and strength in my family.

With everything that's happening in our lives, sometimes it's been difficult to focus on this little baby who we are going to be meeting very soon.  I can feel that she is already a part of our family.  She has also done very well at reminding us of her presence.  I cannot believe how active she has been in the womb.  She reacts every time she hears Adelle or Luke's voices - and kicks Luke almost every time he goes to touch my belly.  Other than that, she's just been moving constantly.  Adelle would always just find a comfortable position and stay there for as long as possible.  It's going to be interesting having 2 little girls and I can't wait!  I look forward to being in the hospital with her, not having to worry about anything else but this new little baby.

Family Reunion October 2011

A couple of weeks ago, we had the rare opportunity to travel to southern New Mexico for a family reunion and to celebrate my Grandpa Jack's 90th birthday.  It was a great trip and I got to see a lot of family (and kind of meet them) that I hadn't seen since I was about 6.  My maternal grandmother has 11 siblings, so my mom has tons of aunts, uncles and cousins, etc.  It was fun to get to know them.  It had been a long time since I'd seen my cousins on that side as well.  Overall it was a great trip.  It wasn't without set backs, but I won't get into that too much (Adelle gets carsick sometimes...).

One of my favorite things to do in southern New Mexico is go to White Sands National Monument.  We go every time we visit my grandparents and just love it.

We decided to stop in Amarillo, TX overnight on the way there to make the drive a little more bearable for everyone.  Adelle loved staying in a hotel.

I took tons of pictures at the dunes.  Adelle was the only one who wouldn't take her shoes off.

My sister-in-law Gaia and her daughter Kate about to slide down the dune together (Gaia turned out to be the daredevil of the group...).

This is my cousin Jay who got a running start to slide down the dune.   Just past the edge of the photo is a large speed bump/ramp they built up in the sand to make it a little more exciting.

My sister Gina and her fiance Steven.

This one was taken at sunset when we finally got back to the car.  So sweet.

This was the latest we had ever stayed and it was so great to see the sunset.

The hardest part of visiting is saying goodbye to family when it's time to go home!  We all had a great trip and can't wait to visit with everyone again!

New Additions!

It's been a while since I've posted and life has been busy.  First of all, as of tomorrow I am 12 weeks pregnant!  My expected due date is January 13th, which is Friday the 13th.  At my 10 week appointment, we got to do a quick sonogram and see our little one with a quick heartbeat, hands and feet.  It was a really cool experience.  With Adelle, our first sonogram was at 18 weeks.

Since you've probably peaked at these pictures, I will go ahead and say that last week we made a big decision to get a dog!  Lady is 6 months old and she's a Yellow Lab and Anatolian Shepherd mix.  I know some people might be surprised by this because I am openly not much of a pet person, but I just fell in love with her.  She has a very sweet demeanor and already loves Adelle so much.  Luke has wanted a dog for a long time that he could train and run around with.  Adelle loves her new friend and tries to help train her with Daddy. I've already found myself worrying about her the same way I worry about Adelle.  She's already part of the family. 

This first picture is when Lady and Adelle first met (the car ride doesn't really count).  Right from the beginning, Lady was submissive toward her and got down on her belly trying to play.  It was so cute.  We're having fun teaching Adelle how to treat an animal kindly too.  I'm excited to see how they grow together!

It's hard to remember that she's just a puppy sometimes because she's already so big.  She is a quick learner and is very teachable.  She's an outdoor dog, but we're house training her as well so that she could be inside for emergency situations.  In a couple of weeks, Luke will start a 6 week obedience school with Lady and I know he's excited about it.

I just love her coloring/markings.  I love her golden undercoat and her white belly with golden spotted legs.

She's more cooperative with the camera than the rest of my little family.

The first day and they're already besties.  I took this from the back door.  Lady didn't even try to come inside, just sat on the porch step, so Adelle joined her.  So sweet.

So cute.

Hello from Oklahoma City!

Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!

Now this is what February should look like. Adelle and I had a great time at the park this afternoon. So much fun that I eventually had to carry her over my shoulders to the car as she was kicking and screaming, saying "slide" over and over again. We had already been there for a LONG time and she was literally out of breath.  And, needless to say, she fell asleep very quickly tonight and we haven't heard a peep since.  Hopefully we'll see some more pleasant weather so we can go back soon! I got some other fun pictures, but this one was just my absolute favorite.

I hope everyone else got to be outside and enjoy the beautiful weather today!

Snapshots

Most of yesterday was a pajama day for Adelle... got some cute pictures and wanted to share a couple.

ouch.

Well, yesterday I sprained my ankle pretty severely when I was carrying my daughter to the car in the snow.  There was a patch of ice under the snow and I fell.  I made sure Adelle was okay and she landed on her feet, but my ankle popped and now I have a high ankle sprain.  Oh, and I was wearing heels because I had just come from a job interview (which was a HUGE waste of my time).  I know, not very smart to carry a child in fresh snow... I'm learning my lesson.  I am grateful for my parents' next door neighbor who happened to be outside and heard me yell out when I fell.  He literally carried me on his back into my parents' house and I'm not a tiny girl.  So, for his kindness I truly am grateful.  I'll have to make his family some cookies or something with a card.

In the meantime, Luke is taking care of me as he has quite a bit of experience with every type of ankle injury you could imagine.  I am really HATING being so immobile.  I have crutches, but I'm already so exhausted from having to hobble around.  Can I have my leg back, pleeeeeaaaaase???

Thank you to Mom & Dad who are watching Adelle today so that I could manage on my own.

Progress

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

 

Martin Luther King Jr.

“'Tis healthy to be sick sometimes.” - Henry David Thoreau

Not sure if I agree with that quote, but lately I think I must.  Adelle has been sick since Christmas, first with a cold, then with the flu.  We have to put Vaseline on her cheeks and nose a few times a day or they turn bright red from the moisture and wiping her face constantly.  Vaporizer, check.  Space heater, check.  Moisturizing tissues, check.  She's also coughing a bit more now, so we're giving her cough medicine for toddlers and making sure she gets lots of vitamins, good foods and liquids.  Today is the first time in quite a while that she finished her whole meal, though it took her over an hour to do it.  Right now she's on her tiny fold-out couch cuddled up with a pillow and blanket, watching Olivia, while the orange juice from her sippy cup provides a constant drip into her mouth.

Yesterday in the mail I got a large box from Northridge Publishing, who creates CARDS Magazine.  I've been featured in it a few times.  The most recent was the September 2010 and I haven't even submitted anything since then, but I had 3 cards in that one, which was very cool.  So, for being published I got a large box of goodies and am excited to try out my new stuff.  I've been keeping up with my creative blog and working on some things with my Etsy shop, which has kept me plenty busy along with my normal responsibilities.

Also, I have decided I'm going to run in my first 5K in March.  I want to at least be able to run most of it, but really want to be able to run the whole thing.  I haven't been a runner in quite a while, so I'm excited to train and prepare for it.

BEGINNING

I want to be happy today.  I want to live my life as if I did it on purpose rather than just letting things happen to me.  I'm learning more and more as I get older that there are some dormant fears and doubts that I haven't completely shaken yet.  But this year, I am going to fight back.  I am going to learn how to be happy and just let myself be for once.  I have set a few small goals for the year and I will probably fail at each of them at least once, but I'm not a quitter.  I'm not weak or sickly.  I'm not passive or embarrassed.  That's not me.  So in 2011, I'm going to figure out how I can just be me... Wife, Mother, Latter-Day Saint, Daughter, Sister, Singer, Artist, Designer, Intellectual (in my own way), Breadwinner (as much as I need to be), Athlete (once upon a time), and Homemaker.  Quite the juggling act, but I'm going to be happy with the efforts I make and the progress I achieve.  I don't have to be ALL of those EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.  I can choose not to be overwhelmed.

With this blog I've put this silly pressure on myself where I've felt the need to document every detail of my life.  Well, I'm not going to do that.  I might share an occasional picture, but most of the time I probably won't.  I just need to write again.  I need to reflect on moments that are important to me in my life that I don't want to forget (and that I haven't documented elsewhere).  It's so important for us to take time and reflect on our actions, choices, thoughts, reactions, etc.  I can't even count how many times I've gone back to read my old journal or blog entries to find myself learning something all over again... from myself.  I blog so I will remember.  I blog so that if I forget, I'll have something to help me remember.

That being said, I wanted to share a little story from about a month or so ago.

Luke, Adelle and I went to a Mexican restaurant here in town for dinner and we were having a nice evening.  At the end of our meal, the waiter came over with a helium balloon that perfectly matched Adelle's pink and blue striped sweater (pink balloon with a blue string).  When she realized he was giving her that balloon, her whole face just lit up as if she was about to eat a whole cupcake (she LOVES cupcakes).  She grabbed the balloon quickly and while she was admiring it, Luke reached over to tie it onto her wrist (the ceilings were pretty high, so if she let go it would be too high for us to reach it for her).  Adelle of course thought her mean old daddy was trying to take the balloon from her and wouldn't let him get it, so he gave up and just let her hold it and play with it for a while.  I say a while, but really about 20 seconds later, there went the balloon straight up to the ceiling.  She was immediately devastated, watching it hang right above her head out of reach, and we were just trying to explain to her that it was too high and we were sorry but it was gone.  So, we finally decided to just get out of there so she would stop looking at it and being so upset.  As we were helping Adelle put her coat on, a little girl about 4 or 5 years old came over and approached Luke, saying "I noticed that she lost her balloon.  Can I give her mine?"  She handed Adelle the balloon and just smiled.  I said to her how thoughtful and kind it was for her to give up her own balloon and told her that we would remember this for a long time.  So we took our time leaving and as we walked out, we just kind of mouthed "thank you" to the little girl's parents.  Her mom told us, "she just wanted to do it..."  So, by the time we got to the parking lot, we had an extremely happy child with a balloon tied TIGHTLY to the belt loop of her jeans.  Luke and I were still just kind of taking in what had just happened, while Adelle kept saying "I got a balloon!".  We were on our way to another store when we hear a loud "POP!" in the backseat directly followed by "AH MAN!!!"  This time it wasn't nearly as devastating because she couldn't see the balloon anymore... she just said "it's gone!" a couple of times and was over it.  We had a few more errands to run and at the last stop of our night, we were waiting to check out, when the cashier says, "Does she want a balloon?"  After everything that happened that night, Adelle still made it home with a balloon.

I'm not sure what the moral of that story is.  It makes me think about a lot of different things... I just didn't want to forget it.